I'm not sure about this whole Cambridge thing.

I wish today that I was different or that I was in a different place. I'm not sure Cambridge and I are bonding as well as we might. I don't yet know if this is irreconcilable.

Why am I doing this? I just want to write my novel, but all the time I'm going to lectures on science and maths and 'professional studies'. I am confused as to how I got here, and why. I feel that I'm making a big sacrifice of who I am as a person.

Summer was fantastic. I don't know if I should have stayed in Finland for winter, too. I thought I needed a 'career'. Maybe I really do need a 'career'. And maybe the reality of teaching will fit me better than the course. It's sort of hard to know in advance. But I feel frustrated because I think writing is what I'm best at and it's what I should be doing.

I'll be in Finland in under 48 hours, stay 10 days, and then back for 6 more weeks. After that I'll be 1/3rd done.